We have seen them out there uptown, downtown, midtown all around town, even met them out of town. Lacking emotion in the face, sharp with the tongue and always sizing YOU up.

We are discussing “The Jaded New Yorker” of course. You know the one, trying to get something off of you: money, sex, connections, sex, social status, sex, some “deal”, sex, a good party, sex, a JOB, sex – and the list goes on (sex). We meet them everyday at conferences, cocktail events, parties, restaurants, everywhere. They go home and google you after or before looking you up on Facebook or texting their friends if they know you. It doesn’t need to be said that they have already asked you “what do you do for work? where are you from? where do you live? what are your favorite restaurants? have you been married?” – that’s my favorite one. It is sort of a low class interview or direct q & a which gives them a false sense of comfort. I guess if they Google a “stranger” and find information on them it somehow prevents that “stranger” from pulling out a gun and putting a bullet in the Jaded New Yorker’s head right? “I Google’d her, she checks out. Everything she said was true. She was living in Turkey, then moved to Chicago with the married man who was in the Ukrainian government. In fact, he did steal the $30 million from that oil company and is wanted by the police in three different countries. Yes, here it is on the Interpol database that I linked via Google.” Online verification somehow comforts the Jaded New Yorker as the information on strangers “checks out” which then suggests the stranger must be “ok”. I prefer the old fashioned way. I like to here the talk and see the walk – live. I also like to hire a private investigator (helps to have family in the CIA as well). If you are going to be intrusive you might as well go all the way. I hate doing things half-ass (always get the social security number).

Personally, I like to hang around people who I enjoy simply “being around” and nothing more. But there is a large population of people who choose to affiliate and befriend strangers for what they are, what they have and most importantly, what they “think” that person can do for them – some sort of “benefit”. This is off the subject, but the most obvious example is the 23 year old female dating the 50 year old male. This action in itself is a type of jaded act. It suggests hints of prostitution and loose to zero morality. Perhaps it is the jaded attitude that allows them to sell themselves, sell out of their ideas or dreams, look for cracks in others – some defect and most importantly, miss the beauty of life along the way (tragic). They recruit others into their Jaded New Yorker circle. They question their friends (or supposed friends) about actions. “Are you sure you know this person? Do you really know what you are getting into? I would not go there. I heard she dates a married man who pays for her apartment. I heard he lies to women telling them he is a movie producer.” And the list goes on.

Can we ticket a Jaded New Yorker for his/her thoughts and actions?

But what can be done? There isn’t a Morality Police out there. It’s not a criminal offense to judge someone based on Google, a few cheap parlor questions and examining their clothes while glancing at the type of credit card or cash to pay for a drink (aren’t they annoying?). I think the Jaded New Yorker was born out of some distortion of Social Capitalism. I’m speaking of basic at-a-glance or in your face capitalism. The word Bling Bling comes to mind. The Jaded New Yorker is intelligent enough to recognize people who “show” or “flash” because they have been on both sides of the lie, the cheat and the bs. They see the downside before the upside and are critical of everyone they meet and that means…YOU. But these are the middle class Jaded New Yorker types. I’m not going to even start with the lower economic class ones because it may spark too much controversy due to race, ethnic background, religion, culture, immigration status, political affiliations, etc. I mean, we aren’t talking about people who live in New Hampshire and vacation in Nantucket. So class and socio-economic division really is an entirely different subject when incorporating the Jaded New Yorker topic.

A female Jaded New Yorker’s calling card and best friend in the world

How can we recognize them? The men are difficult to spot. They have stealth and generally hide the jaded attitude for a solid month before they are exposed. The women, however, are a bit more obvious. We have seen them around sporting their little toy dogs as if it were their “confidante”, the only person in the world that they can trust because everyone else is full of shit (ok, maybe she really just wants a dog because they are fun to have, has nothing to do with loneliness). A man might also have a toy or two or three but they vary from cars, to women as objects, to a selfish attitude submerged in their own reality (perhaps this is why they end up buying Call Girls or dating women 25 years younger). So each carries their baggage differently with them throughout the streets of New York and around the globe (of course the women have to follow their baggage and pick up it’s droppings on the street). Picking up a little more junk to stick in their bag of life and bring home with them each day.

The remnants of hope for a Jaded New Yorker…

Can we really blame them for what they have become? Being robbed of their innocense having relocated perhaps from some small village in Montana or Eastern Europe (ok maybe not so innocent there but still). Having gone through the concrete jungle maze and realizing that they just left one level of a maze for a much higher level, still ever the lab rat. I see them sometimes on the brink or being born. The birth of the Jaded New Yorker comes from some sort of desperation or anger, then the switch occurs. They transform from one day to the next as the words “fuck it” become their new life code. They lose their sense dignity, sincerity and honor (sometimes lose their minds).

He said “fuck it” a long time ago and transformed

We see the cracks in front of us on occasion but fail to recognize them until later. I think my favorite Jaded New Yorker conversation was with a friend who had met a girl and said, “she asked me why I have never been married. I told her that I just hadn’t met the one yet. She then asked if why I never even had a starter marriage and then made me feel like there was something wrong with me by also pointing out it was weird, that I had not been married. I guess I am weird because I have not failed miserably with someone in a marriage and now go to a shrink who gives me terms like ‘starter marriage’ that I use on men I meet to justify my failed relationship”. I laughed out loud because he was on the money with his rationalism. This Jaded New Yorker – female, as another friend put it who heard the story, “this old battle axe”, was trying to justify her wicked experiences and position in life by attempting to demean an individual with a more “pure” background (this is also a sure way to recognize the Jaded New Yorker – watch out).

So if you see a Jaded New Yorker, give them a big hug. They may have a heart attack or try to call the police on you. Or something more subtle, buy them a drink and get to know them. Learn from their experiences but don’t get caught up in their “tricks” and manipulation. Probably the best thing to do is just ignore them and stay in the non jaded community. You may live longer and healthier, have better sex, retain more friends and remain glowing as you age. If you see someone en route to becoming a Jaded New Yorker who you consider a friend, then snap them out of it!

Pretending to be Jaded New Yorkers…